I’ve begun a new site called The Elitist, which will hopefully be an online magazine focusing on politics and culture. Right now it looks more like a blog, but we’re working on it now to change its format.

The Elitist is also looking for contributors. If you have any interest in contributing either editorials or features, please email me about it.

And I’ll be back here for your entertainment purposes soon. Please enjoy this Google ad I found in my absence:

According to Technorati, The Idea of Progress is the 238,665 most popular blog out there.

If you Google “The Idea of Progress,” this blog is currently the 11th hit.

Since its inception, the Idea of Progress has received 9,085 visitors. Five of them were searching for ‘“happy idea” chicken.’

The younger man produces a cigar. The older man lights it for him deferentially.

YOUNGER MAN: Thank you, Raul. Now, what is it you’ve asked me here to discuss?

OLDER MAN (RAUL): I appreciate the great Idea of Progress gracing me with his presence. (the younger man, tIoP, waves off the compliment). I have a problem, Señor, and you are the only one I know who is brave enough to solve it for me.

TIOP: What is it Raul? I don’t have all day. McGone is holed up in the International House of Blogcakes, and I’ve heard he’s taken Grant Miller and Laaw-yur hostage. I need to pop over there and fix their problems, too, so I don’t have all night.

RAUL: I’ll get right to the point, then, Señor. My older brother–

TIOP: Uh, Fidel, right?

RAUL: -Yes, Fidel– My older brother Fidel has decided to retire as Comandante en Jefe, and he wants me to take his place.

TIOP(puffs cigar) So what’s the problem, then?

RAUL: I am afraid, Señor. I do not believe that I will be able to lead my people. They need a true hero, a great man, not a man who has only succeeded through nepotism. In short, I would like for you to rule Cuba.

TIOP (yawns) Raul, what makes you think I have time for such diversions? Have you considered that I might be busy getting drunk?

RAUL: But Señor, you must! My people will suffer under less of a man!

TIOP: (standing Listen, buddy. I’ve got plans, see? I don’t have the time to run your little banana republic. I’ve got big things in the works. I still need to finish reading the new issue of the New Yorker. I want to go out for dinner with some friends. I’ve got naps to take. No thank you.

RAUL: (grabs the hem of tIoP’s immaculately tailored Saville Row suit) Please don’t make me do this on my own! What could I offer you to entice you?

TIOP: (thinks)I’d like my blog to be ranked first on Google when you search for it.

RAUL: But Señor, I cannot! El Google is impossible to convince!

TIOP: Um…how about one of those new Tesla Motorcars?

RAUL: All of our cars are from before the embargo. I cannot offer you anything manufactured after the early 1960s.

TIOP: Well…are the girls in Cuba pretty?

RAUL: The most beautiful in the world!

TIOP: (considers this, but shakes his head) Listen, I’m not your guy. I’ve just got too much on my plate at the moment. But I know just the fellow to take care of you guys. A strong leader, with a dynamic voice and a guest appearance in Back to the Future.

RAUL: (in awe) You don’t mean–

TIOP: Yes, yes I do.

RAUL: (shakes tIoP’s hand) Señor, the people of Cuba will never be able to thank you enough.

TIOP: It’s cool, baby. ¡Viva Los News Revolución!

RAUL: ¡Viva Los News Revolución!

End Scene

The Idea of Progress is:

-Silent as a ninja

-Deadly as a zombie

-Fast as a rocket ship

-Crafty as a beaver

-Tough as a unicorn

-Brilliant like a tree

-Magic like concrete

-Consistent like the wind

And will begin posting again shortly–As soon as the masses begin to clamor.

So soon, then.

The Idea of Progress has left the city. Now, now, I don’t want anyone to panic, he hasn’t gone far. However, he discovered yesterday that he lost out to Bells On for the prestigious 2007 Drysdale awards. It seems some people felt the the Idea of Progress was not the Least Influential Political Blog out there.

No, he didn’t take it well. He also received a letter rejecting a short story of his for publication in the local alternative weekly.

He did feel the story was inferior, that is to be certain, but the sting of such rejection felt twice in one day was enough to send him away to, as he said, “find himself.”

He will return soon, he said–after a period of rest and reflection.

Now, I will take any questions from the press.

Enter “The Idea of Progress“

First page.

There it is.

The Idea of Progress.

But it’s not #1.

Yet.

Keep up the good work. We’ll get there.

The day I was added to this blogroll was like the day I found religion. No longer was I a mere mortal, content in burning down abandoned warehouses and stealing from the Salvation Army at Christmastime, for I was now the Idea of Progress: gentleman, scholar, and an all around fabulous fellow.

It was like being graced with the divine presence. Gaze upon his visage and wonder how you are struck blind for your impertinence.

Grant Miller, here’s to 100 (actually 101) days of being added to your blogroll. Look how far I’ve come. WHY WON’T YOU RESPECT ME???? DAMN YOU MILLER! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!

There’s a certain wikiality to this. You see, “The Idea of Progress” is actually a philosophical term. I didn’t know this when I chose the name (I’ve used it for a variety of projects prior to this blog), I just liked the sound of it. Much to my surprise, I like what it actually means, too.

The Idea of Progress may be defined as the belief that, in general, history proceeds in the direction of improved material conditions and a better (i.e., healthier, happier, more secure, more comfortable) life for more and more people. More simply: In the long run, most things get better.

There’s an optimism there that I like. I’m fortunate. It could have meant something like, “The concept that all people really want to listen to John Mayer,” or “The concept that there are many excellent programs on during daytime television.”

So, page 2.

I want to be on page 1.

I’m starting a campaign. Make me #1. Put a link to this blog (http://theideaofprogress.blogspot.com) somewhere. Anywhere. Do it twice. Call your Mom up, have her link it somewhere. Come on, I know your Mom has a blog.

Let’s do this!

-Your post, The Forevertron, or The Idea of Progress Hits the Road, redefined the entire concept of blogging as the world knows this. How has this affected your marital life?-

How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not married. I’ve never been married, maybe I will get married one day, but I’m currently not. And I never marched with Communists in Sweden. That’s all a lie.

-That directly contradicts something that you’ve previously written.-

Since when does anyone believe anything I’ve ever written? And where’s my drink? You promised me whisky if I consented to this interview, and all you’ve provided is Jack Daniels.

-Jack Daniels is whiskey-

[sweeps bottle off of table] I demand George Dickel!

-So, what are you drinking these days?-

I don’t drink.

-You been passed over for the Nobel Peace Prize again this year. Has this affected your friendship with Al Gore, the Dalai Lama or Henry Kissinger?-

I’d like to set the record straight on this one. I am not friends with Kissinger. I needed a kidney, he had a kidney, end of story.

-Will you be running for President this election?-

Did Jimmy put you up to this? [Expletive deleted] this, I’m leaving.