The Idea of Progress » ninjas http://www.theideaofprogress.com We are what we pretend to be Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:59:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 en hourly 1 If I was making a major Hollywood movie…. http://www.theideaofprogress.com/2007/11/30/if-i-was-making-a-major-hollywood-movie/ http://www.theideaofprogress.com/2007/11/30/if-i-was-making-a-major-hollywood-movie/#comments Fri, 30 Nov 2007 19:19:00 +0000 The Idea of Progress http://www.theideaofprogress.com/?p=303
-It would star the Official Character Actor of the Idea of Progress, Zooey Deschanel.

-It would involve robots, or zombies, or perhaps zombie robots.

-I would cast Dane Cook, only to have him butchered onscreen by a zombie robot.

-I would play the zombie robot.

-It would be rated G.

-It would make children cry.

-It would make you cry.

-I would make sure to fill it with as many expensive products as I could, in hopes of getting freebies. Such products would include Bentley automobiles, Rolex watches, and Pabst Blue Ribbon.

-It would be six hours long. There would be no intermission.

-The trailer would feature a voiceover from the “In a world where…” guy. The voiceover for the trailer would begin, “In a world where…”

-Bono would make a cameo appearance.

-He would be killed by a zombie robot.

-It would be the same zombie robot that killed Dane Cook.

-I would still be playing that zombie robot.

-The zombie robots would also be ninjas.

-The movie will be called Mr. Splashy Pants.

-It will gross $10 trillion on its opening weekend.

-It will open next summer.

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