I’ve even made threats against his friend, Fernando von Bakonstein.

Now, McGone is of course a louse, but Fernando is cut from a different cloth, as I found out this evening. Seems he was in Chicago for an undisclosed business opportunity and he called up the Idea of Progress to get a beer.

We met at SmallBar in Logan Square for a pint and conversation.

Fernando got there before me. By the time I showed up he had already ordered a drink.

We talked things through, and he very reasonably pointed out to me that to wage war on Mcgone was a foolish thing to do. Why, McGone is but a bug stuck in the mud wedged in the tread of my boots, he said (or something much like it). Why expend the energy stepping on him again and again? Why not perhaps teach him to be more like you? He has so much to learn.

Why Fernando, I said, you are a wise and noble pig. I had never looked at it that way before! You are right. I declare this blog war at an end.

And we drank to peace.

Fernando left before me, pleased that he had been able to broker peace between such warring factions. It was the last time I saw him.

I returned home to find that someone had hacked into the Idea of Progress. Someone calling himself “El Cerdo” of the Pork Liberation Front. He claims to have taken Fernando hostage. If this is true, rest assured that nothing will stand in my way until this brave pig has been liberated from his captors. No mountain too high, no river too wide, no desert too vast.

If you have taken Fernando, El Cerdo, whoever you are, you will pay.

The Idea of Progress has spoken.

The Idea of Progress was framed.

Google was lead to believe that tIoP was a spam blog.

Google claims that this was the result of a false positive from their little helper robots, who apparently scour the blogosphere in search of crime, sort of like the Transformers, but without the whole transforming or crappy Michael Bay remakes.

tIoP could not access my account, tIoP could not post a lovely entry about common courtesy in movie theaters that he had been composing in his head all day.

The Idea of Progress doesn’t buy that it was a random problem. tIoP knows that someone is trying to put an end to the blog that has not won the Nobel Peace Prize nor the Pulitzer (but did win Sexiest Man Alive), but has nonetheless changed the face of humanity as we now know it.

There is someone out there with his fingerprints all over this. And tIoP is unafraid to air out his suspicions– this madman must be stopped for all that is good and pure in this world, for this soon to be named villain is a threat to our way of life and our very existence. We must draw a line in the sand!

We must rally against…McGone.

Yes, I’ve said it. I hold the International House of Blogcakes responsible for this. It has McGone’s fingerprints all over it.

And I will have my vengeance.