Prince I get that he plays 4,968 instruments. I understand that he is incredibly prolific, innovative, and is great to dance to. But I hate his tinny drums, his whiny voice, his Casio keyboards and most of all his quote unquote dirty sexy lyrics. And the fact that he insists on spelling “to” with a “2.”

U2* My most hated band, led by my most hated frontman. He must have done something good in a past life to have died and come back as Jesus Christ. Plus, they could have Brian Eno as a producer, and still suck. With Bono’s histronic singing, the Edge’s monotonous guitar work, and their misguided belief that ‘catorce’ follows ‘tres,” I am always surprised how much credit critics and fans give them. And their names? What the fuck is with their pseudonyms? Is Bono a Sonny and Cher fan? Is the Edge supposed to be tough?

The Police*Speaking of pseudonyms, should we be frightened of Sting? Is that supposed to be a scaaaaary name?

Guns’n'Roses I’ve never really been into any of that hair metal crap (although with all honesty, I did have a Def Lepard period in junior high), and most of my peers that listen it now do so ironically, barring those people in New Jersey or Peoria. But G’N'R is that one band that everyone seemed to think rode above the pack, and was worthy of artistic praise as well. Yawn. I actually prefer Velvet Revolver, mostly because I don’t hate Scott Weiland’s voice like I do the caterwauling of Axl Rose (another pseudonym…I’m seeing a pattern here that never occurred to me before).

The Eagles I’ve rarely had more sympathy for a movie character as I had for the Dude in The Big Lebowski when he leaves the Malibu police station after being beaten by the sheriff, only to be stuck in a cab playing the Eagles. Ugh. Music for people who are afraid that they might be challenged.