Occasionally the Idea of Progress likes to evaluate the value of not only his contributions but his ego.  Really, it is an amazing ego, a force of life, a creation of DaVinci-esque magnitude.  But does it really exist beyond the confines of one particular blog and a slew of semi-lewd tribute sites (I’m looking at you, Pistols.  Your blog is clearly completely focused on tIoP, each and every post a clever allusion to the magnificence of tIoP’s raw sexuality.  It’s okay.  We all understand).

While tIoP’s effect on world events has been  ably documented (the election of Barack Obama, destruction of the great library in Alexandria, the colonization of Mars), the effect on the blogonetosphere has been less examined.  Which is a cryin’ shame.  Until now, at least.

The Evil Genius has begun to form a cosmology of the blogonetosphere, hereafter to be referred to as the What I Like About the Universe Universe, or the WILAtUU.  To wit:

Because the universe is uniform in all directions beyond the End of Greatness, any point could arguably be the center of the universe. Because all of our observations are made from Earth and any distance would be measured 360 out from here, we are the de facto center. America is the reigning empire like Britain and Rome before. I could make a better argument that New York or Chicago is the center of America, but Portland is a stretch. But at least I got you that close to proving your theory.

I have also been trying to calculate the gravitational center of our blog circle. The focus of the orbits seems to shift. I have tracked it around from Grant to Dale to Chris to Pistols to Fawless to Whiskey and so on. It would seem that there are two or more invisible or non-luminous masses hovering at the edge of the blogosphere exerting a pull that shifts these orbits. According to early models of the blogosphere,this would indicate that Dead Spot would be the center of the universe, though it may be a binary system with the Idea of Progress at the other barycenter. However, since I am the one that figured this out, I get to name it. So I hereby declare this blogosphere the “What I Like About the Universe Universe.”

So, tIoP is a mysterious entity outside the known regions of the What I Like About the Universe Universe.  An unknown quantity.  A loner. A rebel.

The Evil Genius proposed a model of the blogosphere back in the heady days of 2007– mere days before we met in person and mere moments before he reevaluated his stance of the possibility of the handsomest man alive being anyone other than Sean Connery.

The Idea of Progress would like to propose a new map of the known blogonetosphere.

I am open to suggestions.  Currently, the What I Like About the Universe Universe as I see it is  something like this:

For your information: The gravitational pull of the Idea of Progress will hereby be referred to as “Bunny Fluffykins.”

Bunny Fluffykins is a small but significant force on the entirety of the Information Superhighway.  Maybe it’s the yellow lines painted on the road.  Perhaps it is the jumbo-sized soda available in the gas station off of the on ramp.  It could even be the squished hairy thing that was once probably a badger that you swerve to avoid.

But think about it… when you are deciding on whether to post about Dick Cheney or coworkers pooping or having your own clip show, somewhere in the back of your mind, a little voice is asking, “Would the Idea of Progress find this funny/engaging/sexy?”  You wonder if this has already been written before.  You feel the slight pull of Fluffy Bunnykins.

Admit it.

Anyhoo, I wrote this post mostly so I could show off this lovely photoshopped ditty: