Ask me

We all want to know the future.  The Idea of Progress has noticed over the last few years that the number of Psychic Friends TV commercials has dwindled, only to be replaced by ‘Live Chat’ with ‘Sexy Singles.’  And while these phone calls have been illuminating in certain respect, they haven’t been good at answering life’s most important questions.

But now we have Wikipedia.

Here’s how it works.  Ask yourself what you would most like to know.  Go to Wikipedia and hit random page.  All that it takes is the ability to properly interpret the page you’ve received, and you have your answer!

Allow me to demonstrate.  Some sample questions:

Will I be rich one day?

How many children will I have?

Who will win this year’s World Series?

Will Obama be elected to a second term?

And the results:

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Will I be rich one day? Wikipedia page: Grandview Triangle.

Rich like Scrooge McDuck

“The former Grandview Triangle (informally called The Triangle) is a freeway interchange in south Kansas City, Missouri that was once considered one of Missouri’s most congested locations. However, after several years of reconstruction, the interchange itself is largely congestion free (although the freeways approaching the interchange remain heavily travelled).”

Interpretation: After years of being not rich, the obstacles in your path will clear out and you will begin to earn fabulous riches!

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How many children will I have? Wikipedia page: Chhatara, Bajura.

Sherpas. Lots of Sherpas.

“Chhatara is a village in Bajura District in the Seti Zone of north-western Nepal.^“

Interpretation: You will bear many children, some of which will become Sherpas, assisting those climbing Mt. Everest.

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Who will win this year’s World Series? Wikipedia page: Gestair.

You get it? They're Spanish, too.

“Gestair (Executive Jet) is an airline based in Madrid, Spain. It is a corporate aviation company operating a wide range of services including air taxi, scheduled commuter flights, aircraft maintenance and handling and ad hoc charters. Its main base is Madrid-Torrejón Airport.^“

Interpretation: The San Diego Padres, who will win the series 4-1.  Game 5 will be be both a no-hitter and will feature a grand slam by catcher Josh Bard.

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Will Obama be elected to a second term? Wikipedia page: Roman Catholic Church in North Korea.

Totally

“The Roman Catholic Church in North Korea is part of the worldwide Roman Catholic Church, under the spiritual leadership of the Pope.

There are estimated to be only 3,000 Catholics in North Korea today, compared to over 55,000 prior to liberation from Japan in 1945. Roman Catholicism, as well as other religions in N. Korea, is restricted. Changchung Church in Pyongyang is the only Catholic Church in the country. Most Catholics practice their faith at home worship services. The Communist government does not have diplomatic relations with the Vatican, and there are no Catholic clergy permitted in the country.”

Interpretation: After serving two years as President of the United States, Barack Obama will become the next ruler of North Korea after defeating Kim Jong-il at a game of Wii Bowling.