Chinese Democracy: 14 Years, $13,000,000 and Rocks Like a Hurricane…

It was announced this morning that the new Guns’n'Roses album Chinese Democracy will be officially released on November 23rd. Front man/ sole remaining member Axl Rose has been working on the album for 14 years, first claiming it would be released in 1998, and apparently every year afterward. The album was reported to have cost $13 million dollars as of 2005, so who knows what the total tab will end up being.

What has happened since Rose began work on the album?

1994: Czechoslovakia dissolved as a country, which is great because no one can spell it
1994: Nelson Mandela was elected as South Africa’s first black president. America has to wait another few weeks
1994: OJ Simpson is tied and acquitted of the murder of his wife and her companion
1996: The Idea of Progress graduates from high school. He is not a Guns’n'Roses fan
1997: Dolly the Sheep is cloned in Scotland
1997: Princess Diana is killed in a car crash
1998: The Monica Lewinsky Scandal breaks/ Bill Clinton gets busted for blowjobs. The event does not lead us into war
1999: Lance Armstrong wins the first of a shitload of Tour de Frances… like 100, I think
2000: Al Gore is elected president. Things don’t work out, though
2001: Something bad happens in New York
2001: The Idea of Progress graduates from college. He still doesn’t care for Guns’n'Roses
2002: The United States invades Afghanistan. Osama bin Laden is nowhere to be found
2003: The US attacks Iraq. The war should only take, what, a month? I mean, they live in tents, right?
2003: Mission Accomplished
2004: 50% of the United States loses its mind and re-elects George W. Bush. The other 50% weeps
2005: The Chicago White Sox win the World Series. Cubs fans weep
2005: Something bad happens to New Orleans
2006: Ted Haggard resigns as the head of the National Association of Evangelicals after spending some quality time with some meth and a male prostitute. But he’s totally not gay. It was just a massage
2007: The last Harry Potter book is released. In case you were wondering, everyone in it has sex and then dies
2008: The Idea of Progress moves to Portland, OR. He still doesn’t care for Guns’n'Roses
2008: The stock market goes down the pooper
2008: Still looking for Osama Bin Laden

If you’d like to hear a track from the new album, about a minute of one was leaked and can be found here. A full song is available at Stereogum. It kinda sounds like ‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ by Scorpions, if you ask me. Meh.