The Pork Liberation front has posted a picture of the kidnapped Fernando. But they have made a tactical error– the newspaper he is shown in front of is the Oregonian.

Fernando is in Portland!

I am on the next plane there. I will bring him home safely and clear my name. I will not allow Fernando to be harmed by these agents of terror.

If I don’t return safely, tell Katrocket that she can have my estate in Provance and Splotchy can have my record collection. Grant Miller can have my collection of Hummel figurines.

The rest should be donated to charity.

Wish me luck.