It is no secret that the Idea of Progress and McGone at the International House of Blogcakes are not the best of friends. This is no fault of your gentle host, fair reader– it is McGone that is the despicable one.

I’ve even made threats against his friend, Fernando von Bakonstein.

Now, McGone is of course a louse, but Fernando is cut from a different cloth, as I found out this evening. Seems he was in Chicago for an undisclosed business opportunity and he called up the Idea of Progress to get a beer.

We met at SmallBar in Logan Square for a pint and conversation.

Fernando got there before me. By the time I showed up he had already ordered a drink.

We talked things through, and he very reasonably pointed out to me that to wage war on Mcgone was a foolish thing to do. Why, McGone is but a bug stuck in the mud wedged in the tread of my boots, he said (or something much like it). Why expend the energy stepping on him again and again? Why not perhaps teach him to be more like you? He has so much to learn.

Why Fernando, I said, you are a wise and noble pig. I had never looked at it that way before! You are right. I declare this blog war at an end.

And we drank to peace.

Fernando left before me, pleased that he had been able to broker peace between such warring factions. It was the last time I saw him.

I returned home to find that someone had hacked into the Idea of Progress. Someone calling himself “El Cerdo” of the Pork Liberation Front. He claims to have taken Fernando hostage. If this is true, rest assured that nothing will stand in my way until this brave pig has been liberated from his captors. No mountain too high, no river too wide, no desert too vast.

If you have taken Fernando, El Cerdo, whoever you are, you will pay.

The Idea of Progress has spoken.