A darkened restaurant. The tables are lit by lights that hang directly overhead, casting their light downward, leaving vast pools of darkness between the islands of light.

The younger man produces a cigar. The older man lights it for him deferentially.

YOUNGER MAN: Thank you, Raul. Now, what is it you’ve asked me here to discuss?

OLDER MAN (RAUL): I appreciate the great Idea of Progress gracing me with his presence. (the younger man, tIoP, waves off the compliment). I have a problem, Señor, and you are the only one I know who is brave enough to solve it for me.

TIOP: What is it Raul? I don’t have all day. McGone is holed up in the International House of Blogcakes, and I’ve heard he’s taken Grant Miller and Laaw-yur hostage. I need to pop over there and fix their problems, too, so I don’t have all night.

RAUL: I’ll get right to the point, then, Señor. My older brother–

TIOP: Uh, Fidel, right?

RAUL: -Yes, Fidel– My older brother Fidel has decided to retire as Comandante en Jefe, and he wants me to take his place.

TIOP(puffs cigar) So what’s the problem, then?

RAUL: I am afraid, Señor. I do not believe that I will be able to lead my people. They need a true hero, a great man, not a man who has only succeeded through nepotism. In short, I would like for you to rule Cuba.

TIOP (yawns) Raul, what makes you think I have time for such diversions? Have you considered that I might be busy getting drunk?

RAUL: But Señor, you must! My people will suffer under less of a man!

TIOP: (standing Listen, buddy. I’ve got plans, see? I don’t have the time to run your little banana republic. I’ve got big things in the works. I still need to finish reading the new issue of the New Yorker. I want to go out for dinner with some friends. I’ve got naps to take. No thank you.

RAUL: (grabs the hem of tIoP’s immaculately tailored Saville Row suit) Please don’t make me do this on my own! What could I offer you to entice you?

TIOP: (thinks)I’d like my blog to be ranked first on Google when you search for it.

RAUL: But Señor, I cannot! El Google is impossible to convince!

TIOP: Um…how about one of those new Tesla Motorcars?

RAUL: All of our cars are from before the embargo. I cannot offer you anything manufactured after the early 1960s.

TIOP: Well…are the girls in Cuba pretty?

RAUL: The most beautiful in the world!

TIOP: (considers this, but shakes his head) Listen, I’m not your guy. I’ve just got too much on my plate at the moment. But I know just the fellow to take care of you guys. A strong leader, with a dynamic voice and a guest appearance in Back to the Future.

RAUL: (in awe) You don’t mean–

TIOP: Yes, yes I do.

RAUL: (shakes tIoP’s hand) Señor, the people of Cuba will never be able to thank you enough.

TIOP: It’s cool, baby. ¡Viva Los News Revolución!

RAUL: ¡Viva Los News Revolución!

End Scene